my life half-way

I've reached a big fat milestone recently - halfway to my goal! It's actually got me thinking my goal weight isn't low enough maybe I should set it for 70kg's not 76 but hey, I still think we will see when we get there how I feel and then decide.

I can't believe I'm only two and a half months out and that I'm this far down. 28kilos/60 pounds is... a lot of weight. I was at the doctors today for a checkup and I was talking to some women who'd had a lap band done. One of them was really excited because she'd lost 2kgs/5pounds in a month. I felt a little embarased telling them how much/how quickly I'd lost because I didn't want them to think I was lording it over them but.. hey.. they got the crap-band not me :P

I've been gymminh and running a bit more - today I ran a km in about eight minutes which I was fairly happy with but I'd eventually like to half that so I can keep up with my running buddy lol!

I'm off to sydney next week for a holiday with a bunch of my friends and I've been trying on all my clothes... newsflash: none of them fit me! I basically took around my entire wardrobe to the women's refuge so now my poor wardrobe is looking very spartan. Luckily I'll be able to buy a whole bunch of delicious new clothes for it to eat when I'm in Sydney!

In which I love running

No... the above statement is a lie. a LIE I say! In reality I hate running and it MAKES ME WANT TO DIE A LITTLE.

What I LOVE.. is that I now have the choice to run. Pre-surgery I couldn't run, I had shin splints, tendonitus and within five minutes of running or walking anywhere too fast - my legs were screaming in pain. I think deep down I knew it was weight related - but I didn't really think I was that fat I guess.

Oh how wrong I was.

Today was a beautiful day out, the sun was shining and it was warm for the first time in a long time. And I just casually thought to myself 'hmmm I should go for a run.' So, texting my good friend Mikey (who similarly to me has lost a lot of weight in the past, so I trust him to see me huffing and puffing away looking nasty) we arranged to meet up.

Instantly I was regretting it. WHAT was I thinking? Running with Mikey could only lead to humiliation, sore legs, and slinking off in defeat, I knew it.

So we met at the pre-arranged spot and I'm nervous, sure I'm about to fail at it. We start at a gentle pace... I'm thinking to myself that it's not so bad. then BAM - oh jesus I'm puffing and huffing, lugging my ass down this track which Mikey assures me is a 'gentle' 3k track. These words do not compute, how can a 3k run be gentle? A 3k run sounds brutal!

But you know what? I did it! I didn't run the whole way admittedly, there were some walking moments - but Mikey tells me he thinks I ran about 2k out of the 3k all up. I know that to him I was puffing and unfit and it was terrible, but actually I was pretty damn proud of myself. Before I would have given up and walked most if not all of it, but not anymore!

And you know what, my legs didn't hurt a bit.

It's amazing how FREEING it is. I can do these things if I want to now without hurting myself because of the strain on my body. I'm actually starting to feel somewhat normal, like someone who can look at herself in the mirror and not hate what she sees. Like someone who can run!

two months out

two months out and thank GOD I can say that I'm out of my stall. That baby had been dragging on for weeks and I'm not going to lie... I was going crazy.  You can talk big about staying calm all you want, but when those numbers stop ticking down you start losing it. like big time.

As we speak I'm currently down to 105kg, which is 231 pounds. Thats a total lose of 25 kg or 55 pounds!

Never in my life did I think I could lose that much weight or that in two months I'd only be 2kgs (5 pounds) off of being half way to my goal weight. It's got me thinking all sorts of crazy thoughts about whether I should be aiming even lower, maybe 70kgs instead of 76? We shall see... we shall see.

I keep meaning to take photos of myself again, I did it 15kgs ago so it's probably time to take another round, but I'm such a lazy ass that I keep putting it off lol. I've been going through my clothes though, just tonight I spent a few hours giving myself a fashion parade and throwing out all the clothes that are too big. It's the best feeling to have clothes that are too big for once instead of too small. I thought I'd be running out of clothes by now but actually I've just started wearing all my 'skinny' clothes - you know the onces, the onces you keep thinking that you'll fit into them again one day... well today is that day!

I'm feeling great about myself, and some interesting things have started happening to me... I'm able to run without horrible leg pain for one thing, and I've started flirting with boys again, just because my confidence is up. It's actually pretty magical getting checked out by boys and not assuming theyre mocking the fatty with their friends :)

I'm also soooo close to my first goal... my boobs being bigger than my tummy. It's a hard goal because the twins keep shrinking! So yes, my tummy is HEAPS smaller... and I'd say its definitely smaller than my boobs at their original size, but because they keep getting smaller too it seems we're at a stalemate. Sigh - it'll happen :P